cultural blunders!

in every culture there are some unwritten rules which a smart individual if understands or realizes soon is good for him.

i must have offended a few unknowingly in a couple of places.

first day in middle east when my manager introduced me to the career counselor, who was wrapped in her black abaya and scarf, i extended my hand to greet her. for few seconds my hand was suspended in air, and then my manager informed me in front of the counselor that in middle east this was not how people greeted women, unless the women was comfortable returning the greetings by extending her hand.

talking about girlfriends, girls, relationships real or platonic was also forbidden.

i wanted to travel to adliya and this counselor lived there. while i was walking towards that area, i saw this counselor leaving the office in her old cressida. assuming she was going home, towards adliya, i signalled her to stop. she did not. later that day she called me and asked sternly, "am i your sister, mother, or close relative?" i replied, "no." and then someone told me that a women can only travel with her brother, father or husband, and not an unknown male. and all this while i thought we were known to each other for i had spent nearly 4 months working with her.

a female student invited me for her wedding. very keen to attend an arabic wedding, i reached the venue - a five star hotel. i was surprised as i could not see even a single women in the gathering, not even the bride. for a moment i thought i was in a wrong reception hall. my manager later told me that this is how weddings take place there!

i was also told that direct eye contact with females was a strict no no. so while on my evening strolls, if i saw any abaya clad female, i used to just walk past her without looking at her.

in india, kidding with a student for being slow or dumb is not so annoying for anyone, but as i had learnt a new word and was enthusiastic to display my language skills, i called one of them 'hemar,' and the next moment i saw some stern faces in the classroom. 'teacher,' said one, 'this is bad word for us. don't speak that to anyone.'

in another incident, everyone in the class was extra quite when i listed some points on the board. my mistake, the bulleted points were not the usual circle or disc, but small star shaped symbol. so one of the sensible student understood my ignorance and politely reminded me that star indicated Israels symbol and as all islamic countries are anti-Israel, so using that symbol was kind of an offence. poor me!

my boss asked me to accompany him for mourning someones death! i was surprised when on the way he asked directions for the matam hall. so i asked him what was this matam. came to know that the place where all menfolk gather to mourn the death of a loved one is called matam.

a colleague from india had joined our office. we were pally with her. once her husband came to pick her, and while saying our goodbyes i shook hands with her. next day she seemed upset, on asking she told me that her husband was upset because of that handshake the previous evening. i told her that she is from india and not from middle east. her answer surprised me, but my religion is different!

then in a park, there were three seats and another man i occupied the first and last seat. there was an old lady who seemed tired so i tapped on the middle seat indicating it was empty. that lady was old enough to be my great grand mother, but she was visibly upset. we two left our seats.

but there were few women who had no issues which such trivia. i must not use that word because what i think trivia, is actually a big thing for them. so the few other ladies who i am talking about brought cake for me on my birthday, got doughnuts and kava on the last day of our KYD class. now the non-arabic students from india are also not less fussy. three indian men and a lady did not eat the yum doughnuts or had the lovely kava - maybe because it was made by an arabic people. disgusting! but in a way it was good as i carried 4 doughnuts back to our villa for my friends.

one crazy student wanted to marry me. i think she had a loose screw. we called such students P1's. The brighter ones were addressed as P4 P3. CoreDuo were not in market by then so we could not think of assigning that name to the brighter ones :-)

BACK HOME:

there's this invisible divide between north, south, and somewhat with east also. which is quite visible in the way people carry themselves.

I was attending an induction program in one of the companies i worked in new delhi. there were participants from all regions. on the first day, after most of us were pally, a couple of people from calcutta were asking for directions. so this colleague of mine from delhi told them that her boyfriend will be able to help them. he came, he gave directions, and they both left in his bike. the bongs were surprised-first by hearing the word boyfriend and second observing how closely she sat with her boyfriend in his bike. This was in 1996.

people in south are simple, and i guess they firmly believe in and respect hierarchy. i had little problem breaking the ice with few. i do not analyze or measure each word that i utter. words jump out of my mouth without any censoring. so i am sure i have upset quite a few people by what i have shared with them. do i need to be careful? nah, i won't even a bit. that's how i am. G3 is perhaps the only person who can understand what i say and what i mean, hai na G3 :-)

and no, it's not just that i get shocked or amused by how people in different culture get scandalized. i have myself behaved that way. i won't elaborate much, but one amusing incident is worth mentioning.

dimply and i were walking towards our hotel in heathrow area when i saw a girl and a boy some 4-5 feet ahead of us. unmindful of where they were [and actually there were not many people around] they started smooching! i was zapped and literally stopped on the track and ogled them. dimpy had to drag me and then she laughed uncontrollably. i mean, till then i had seen such a scene in movies, but the real one was a little shocking and quite amusing! there were many more such scenes [better ones] in the hyde park, and thankfully by that time dimpy was not with me to drag me away. so i enjoyed aplenty.